i hav tried a lot but m nt able to believe it yrrr............

everything finished from buggi's side because .................i dont know the reason. only know that all it happens so suddenly that i can nvr heal my hurted feelings..............i pray to god for her happiness but also it seems dat i lost very precious frnd of mine.i know she dont care now but i care yr.................
missing u buggi.........wid lots of tears...............

now the time is such dat i felt soo alone dat i want to quit dis all........

on 2nd july our training got finished nd i had to return to home forcefully as my frnds told my parents dat now training is finished nd no need to remain at chd so b at home.
dey also told my parents about all the time i spend chd..............parents got sad but when i reached home everythong gone fine when dad cleared all the things wid me.......
now unfortunately mpm is at hospital nd time is going very bad for me due to d reason dat she is not well but also dat now when i go to hospital for seeing her she nvr talk to me nd nvr watch towards me. always ignore me. my presence or absence doesnt effects her........dis hurts me a lot.........
dad's behave is very frank now but i dont knw why mom is doing like dis......

slowly nd slowly m loosing all my frnds due to my mistakes of present nd past.............feeling so lonely dat eyes always filled wid tears......but cant express dem in front of nyone.....coz i dont deserve ny best frnd...buggi is der but for how much time i will always cry in front of her...i know sometimes she says things unintetionally nd i ignore dem but nowadays she make me to think that m soo bad dat many of my things r not seem gud to her.....yr i have changed a lot nd becoming a person without the past habbits...plss yr try to understand me m very dipressed......i was a bad one nd i tried a lot to b a gud one but i think dis will nvr happens nd my badluck will nvr leaves me for dis whole sucking life...an old saying is dat,"a useless life is an early death" nd i think if dis is true den my life is far worse dan death..............GOS I PRAY TO U ,EITHER REMOVE DESE CIRCUMSTANCES OR GRANT ME A DEATH.......I CANT LIVE LIKE DIS........I KNOW DIS IS D PUNISHMENT FOR MY SINS BUT MY PATIENCE R ENDING....I ALSO WANT HAPPINESS........plsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

20 years nd still worth of nothing.......dont know where my life is going......

this topic m writing jus becoz of confusion going in my life........my past is not leaving me nd affecting my present to such a extent that i had to think nd think again dat m nt so bad dat the people r understanding me.  i agree dat i do many mistakes in my past nd i felt guilty for dat but reality is dat now in my present ihave changed my self a lot nd make firm determination not to repaet the past mistakes. due to my nature i nvr hide nything from mybest frnd but one day after knowing one incident of my life, i got to know that "ALL UR TALKINGS R DIALOGUE. U TREAT ALL THE OTHERS SAME ND U R A FAKE PERSON.........THANK GOD I DONT EXPECT NYTHING FROM  U", i know dis is all due to her anger nd she felt sorry for dis. all dis doesnt hurt me but the fear of loosing her made me dipressed nd still now m nt able to overcome from dis worry.........but m happy dat she know everything abt me nd now nthing is behind her eyes.......i made my parents sad, my frndhad  to think about my frndship nd these things always make me upset that amrit u r worth of nothing, jus a problem to ur parents nd frnds.............at last i only want to say that god i know i was wrong but now i got lessons from life nd making myself to being away from all my mistakes....plssss do me a favour that they give me some time...but definately m not fake......u give me ny punishment i will accept it but plsss our frndship should not b in between this..............

plss dont think dat u hurt me its just ur mood that go off sometimes nd i know it............................

EXPECTATIONS------its a word which is very important in every human's life nd we all always think about it in such a way that we alwys see our happiness in it.....we all r humans r selfish by nature if we do gud wid some one we automatically start thinking that now same gud will also be happen to us, means we start expecting our happiness..not in this case sometimes in relationships we think beyond the reality....means suppose if ur frnd is very close to u, we think in punjabi means ASI  HAQ JTANA SHURU KAR DINDE HAN.........we think that he/she will do as we wish coz he/she is our frnd but we forgot the reality that by making sum1 close to us doesnt mean that we own a license of that frnd that from now ownwards he/she will b on our wishes....this is the major factor behind the broken relationships inbetween, most of the cases like dese happens in our frnds....

now the question arises that from where such type of thinking arises in our mind? answer is simple, its not in our hands, when some one show care nd understanding to us we  got emotionally attached to that person nd this emotional feeling makes a big difference...........as its in my case but now m getting dat i behave wrong sumtimes...sorry frnds i will take care in future....

remembering my best friend whom i nvr wanna loose........ my BUGGI......

as i told u earlier that she is a god gifted frnd of mine nd her care nd understanding supports me everytime....now we both r at chandigarh from 10 june nd enjoying here wid frnds.....we had seen 2 movies nd many gardens here. the daily call schedule of mine has been increased to average of 2 hrs.......she make me to feel so happy that i will always b thankful to her..always when she go at new place she prefer to go wid me coz she knows i will not spare her if she goes wid sum1 else...lolsssssssss
the most memorable moment of my life is due to her when she spent the whole day that is my birthday wid me.....thanks yr....she always care abt me nd u know she can tell on call wether m sad or happy... we live here very far from each other but always b together in our memories....i always pray for her successful life nd happiness..........
now at chandigarh i always try to make a plan for meeting her coz i know at hoshiarpur we will not get such a freedom nd time.....so everytime i call i ask her," shinu yr chalo na movie dekhan ya yr ajo na kite ghuman chaliye" nd many excuses more...........maximum times i got a big NO but very few times i got a YES from her which makes me sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happpy............thanks yr..........
but here my insecurity factor about her increases very much which she dont likes nd m trying to decrease dis factor....sorry shinu...........many changes dat she suggested me are now started by me in myself.......i always done mistakes nd said sorry after doing or hurting her.....but the mistake i did on 25 june dat i lied to her i think changes her.....i broken her trust i know dat hurts her a lot but MEIN JAN BUJH K NI KITA JO VI KITA
plssssssss shinu yr try to understand i dnt hav reason jo c tenu das dita.......plsss forgive me...........
on 27 we go to visit gurudwara nada sahib nd morni hills....dat trip was awesome as we spent the whole day together nd enjoyed the trip a lot as we were going by taking a lift in a car......
after that on 1 july there was rained 4 the whole day nd the wheather was awesome, den we planned to meet but  on the time of arrival our mood changed nd we postponed our program......but as i told u earlier that she understands me so i tried again nd requested her to meet me nd due to her understanding she agrees nd said she will spend more time thn i expected...thanks again..................we went to rose garden den shanti kunj nd last rock garden. after that there was time to dinner so we went to nukkad dhaba where we eat in a single plate nd she put the ice cream with her hands in my mouth......i was so happy by thinking that at morning she refuses to go nd i got upset nd sad but at evening we were dinning together.....MEANS SHE MAKES ME SAD BUT AT THE SAME TIME SHE GIVES ME DOUBLE HAPPINESS BY GIVING ME A SWEET SURPRISE...............................

today on 2nd july i suddenly got to know that our training has finished nd i hav to return to home........................COUNTLESS TEARS ND TONNES OF SADDNESS IN MY HEART.........talked with her she replied......"YR FER KI HOYA"........... i cut the call nd god knows from where the tears start coming as a waterfall.....very bad thoughts in my heart nd much more..............den asked her to go together in the bus den again she refuses.......no tears no sadness only thing was i felt totally ignored nd thought that she dont need me now............the whole journey i thought only her.,.during the journey she attended a call of her best frnd nd dat call continue more dan 30 minutes den i msg her dat people dont thougt gud when dey saw a girl attending a call for such along time...so she cut the call nd sit quietly......while dropping from the bus i saw her from the gap of window so that in last  journey to chd i see her smiling face but she was biusy in watching movie.........closed my eyes with tears nd dropped from bus...........when reached home totally filled with sadness nd tears r in my eyes............think nd think about her........watch her pics nd download some more pics of her from her  id.........again cried...........................when its extrme of my tears i called her nd den her talk reduces my sadness as she said sorry for hurting me...............but i want to say u buggi one thing-"YR PLSS NOT B SORRY, MENU HURT HOYA TA OH MERIYAN HE GALTIYAN DI SAZA C...PLSSS TUSI EDA SORRY KEH K SHARMINDA NA KARO MENU. TUHADE ENE EHSAAN NE MERE TE K MEIN  TA KUCH VI NAI KITA UNHA SAHMNE TUHADI KHUSHI LAYI. HAMESHA TUHANU SAD TE HURT KITA, TUHADA TRUST TODEYA......BUT YR NOW I HAV CHANGED A LOT DUE TO U.......THANKS FOR CHANGING ME..........I WISH ALL THE HAPPINESS ND SUCCESS OF THE WORLD IS WITH U".....................................god bless u mithu.............

all the happiness doesnt came to end after the all above incident,on 7 july i again make a excuse at home nd reach chandigarh to meet her nd watch the movie I HATE LUV STORY. when i reached der it was rainign nd she msg me i will not come in dis rain...again i got upset that by this there will b no time left wid me, but fortunately the rain stops nd i reached her pg in auto,  dat day she was lukin so cute dat i cant explain. we reached at cinema nd sit on our seats......while watching movie she put her head on my shoulder nd during the maximum time we both hold our hands because we dont know noe when we meet like dis........during movie her dad's call came nd she reject that call many times after movie when she called her dad ,dey angrly asked her where r u nd many things more. this makes her tnsed. as she dont tell a lie to her parents so she said dat io hav told dad that m at pg so now i hav to reahced pg as soon as possible. her tnsn was naturally so we again pick up the auto nd reached 17 nd from dere we went to 43 sec bus stand , dere i meet her by doing her googly woosh nd den dropped from the  bus. on that day i decieded to again come to chd when her training got finished nd she will return to hsp. we both make a plan how to come nd when d day comes my parents rejected my plan whioch was to go chd. i call her one nite before nd she says" ITS K YR KOI GAL NI ND PLSS TNSN NA LAYI". i said nai yr m upset...i know shw was also somewhat sad but she dont showed it...nd it was naturally that i was very sad because after dis god knows when we meet........i cried for a long while at nite.......nthing can b done but i dont know why i was so sad. today is the day nd she was coming from chd..i called her nd she was in bus nd today she repaeted my dialogue to me dat people dont think gud when a girl attend a call for a time in bus so end the call we will talk later.....m sorry buggu but m like dat yr.....m waiting her dat when she reached i will saw her at bus stand from a far side....................

got the meaning of GOD GIFTED FRIEND nd i got it.......

during my life i hav heard abt that some friends r a special gift from god nd a person is very lucky who got it. everytime i thought will b ever i get it? i start doing everything for my frnds den so that god also gift me dat frnd. i always used to think that do good everyone as god is watching u nd one day he will gve u the fruit of ur good things dat u had done. thanks to god that he gave me  a nature that i made several frnds during my schooling nd college. many of dem became very important in my life nd i start thinking that i got my frnds. but as time changes i got the reality of dis mean world. to those i got emotionally attached dey nvr try to understand me. during my whole schooling till my clg i had a frnd to whom i considered as my best frnd nd she was proving it true till this year but the time repeats itself nd i found myself as trapped in the feild of foolishness.

on other hand due to my nature of adding more girls in my account i send a request to a girl she accepted it nd we start chattin nd became frnds. understanding nd trust become so important aspects of our frndship that we became gud frnds. many my frnds told me that on net u made her frnd nd she may b a roght or not but my mind was saying that no, she had trust on me nd i had on her so everythong will b fine..........so i dont bother abt that..........................................now at present i got that what i decieded in making her my frnd was my best decision nd god gave me a dat frnd which i dont deserve means so nice dat she is beyond my imagination.......thanks god ...........nd thanks to u for being my frnd.......this post is dedicated to her......nd Ii always call her as my BUGGI
..i pray for her happiness nd success in her life..........

my expectations from my frnds are the biggest enemy of mine nd m addicted to b hurted by others......

the most  bad part of my nature is my attachment with everyone.
everyone which talk wid me wid happiness i think that he/she is my frnd nd will nvr break my trust nd here is the reason lies dat i get hurted. actually i feel everything by my heart nd got tnsed very easily....also my thinking doesnt change from person to person according to me all r my gud frnds nd no one here is selfish thaat he/she will hurt me. but i think dis quote is true that  WATER IS FOR FISHES ND EARTH IS FOR SELFISHES.
when i start expecting happiness from my frnds dey leave me as a unknown stranger....i only want the love,care,understanding and trust of my frnds..but unfortunately no one try to understand me. i smile for the smile of my frnds but inside i cry nd ask god again  and agian whats my fault dat happiness comes in my life for a very short interval. many frnds came in my life nd make a very much gud impact but when i start entring dem in my life dey quit silently..........some says k m always crying datm alone alone but the reality is sometimes i feel so alone dat i wanna to quit dis world...how much pain i feel alone only my god knows.........now i start expecting nothing from nyone nd try to remain alone nd making my frnds happy.....

cont.....................................................................................

LIFE IS NOT AS EASY AS I THOUGHT BEFORE.....

when i was a child i used to think that when i grow up nd come to coolege, life will b more easy nd i will get everything what i want, i have my frnds a lots of frnds nd dey will understand me nd i will understand dem. means i thought only about good things as i see in tv nd movies.

now at present m going to finish my 2 years of college life nd still finds that i have nothing as i imagine before.....except 2-3 frnds who understand me but still dey sometimes ignore me......

i used to think k i will do everything for my frnds which make dem happy nd dey prod to b called me as der frnd but i forgot that this world is called as MEAN WORLD, everyone runs behind his/her own benefit nd no one bothers about nyone. but i think its true coz we r studying, doing work only for our own livlihood nd here i make a mistake in understanding the people.

in clg the first frnd f mine was gaurav den came aman, chetan,khushboo,anmol,areet,anirudh nd slowly slowly the whole class.......all r very gud nd the thing is dat i expected more from dem nd dis creates probs for me many times...many frnds walk wid me to share my joys nd sorrows but may b dey dont hav trust on me so by listening others dey left me wothout ny cause.

also the biggest banner dat all put on my head is that m BAD BOY as most of my times u can see me gossiping wid a girl. dats true coz i dont know but due to the grace of god i have many female frnds nd dis seems a prob for many of my frnds....i tell dem but they dont understand...many make der mind in a wrong manner....my nature of getting emotionally attached wid everyone is my big enemy....some my frnds who understand me always ready to help me out when m sad but i cant tell dem coz i think SHARE HAPPINESS COZ IT INCREASES WID SHARING ND KEEP UR SORROWS WID U COZ IT MAKES OTHERS SAD. my funda is dat k i nvr want to see nyone sad due to mine prob...m trying my best to make everyone happy nd if god is watching i know i will also get happiness..............