now the time is such dat i felt soo alone dat i want to quit dis all........

on 2nd july our training got finished nd i had to return to home forcefully as my frnds told my parents dat now training is finished nd no need to remain at chd so b at home.
dey also told my parents about all the time i spend chd..............parents got sad but when i reached home everythong gone fine when dad cleared all the things wid me.......
now unfortunately mpm is at hospital nd time is going very bad for me due to d reason dat she is not well but also dat now when i go to hospital for seeing her she nvr talk to me nd nvr watch towards me. always ignore me. my presence or absence doesnt effects her........dis hurts me a lot.........
dad's behave is very frank now but i dont knw why mom is doing like dis......

slowly nd slowly m loosing all my frnds due to my mistakes of present nd past.............feeling so lonely dat eyes always filled wid tears......but cant express dem in front of nyone.....coz i dont deserve ny best frnd...buggi is der but for how much time i will always cry in front of her...i know sometimes she says things unintetionally nd i ignore dem but nowadays she make me to think that m soo bad dat many of my things r not seem gud to her.....yr i have changed a lot nd becoming a person without the past habbits...plss yr try to understand me m very dipressed......i was a bad one nd i tried a lot to b a gud one but i think dis will nvr happens nd my badluck will nvr leaves me for dis whole sucking life...an old saying is dat,"a useless life is an early death" nd i think if dis is true den my life is far worse dan death..............GOS I PRAY TO U ,EITHER REMOVE DESE CIRCUMSTANCES OR GRANT ME A DEATH.......I CANT LIVE LIKE DIS........I KNOW DIS IS D PUNISHMENT FOR MY SINS BUT MY PATIENCE R ENDING....I ALSO WANT HAPPINESS........plsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

20 years nd still worth of nothing.......dont know where my life is going......

this topic m writing jus becoz of confusion going in my life........my past is not leaving me nd affecting my present to such a extent that i had to think nd think again dat m nt so bad dat the people r understanding me.  i agree dat i do many mistakes in my past nd i felt guilty for dat but reality is dat now in my present ihave changed my self a lot nd make firm determination not to repaet the past mistakes. due to my nature i nvr hide nything from mybest frnd but one day after knowing one incident of my life, i got to know that "ALL UR TALKINGS R DIALOGUE. U TREAT ALL THE OTHERS SAME ND U R A FAKE PERSON.........THANK GOD I DONT EXPECT NYTHING FROM  U", i know dis is all due to her anger nd she felt sorry for dis. all dis doesnt hurt me but the fear of loosing her made me dipressed nd still now m nt able to overcome from dis worry.........but m happy dat she know everything abt me nd now nthing is behind her eyes.......i made my parents sad, my frndhad  to think about my frndship nd these things always make me upset that amrit u r worth of nothing, jus a problem to ur parents nd frnds.............at last i only want to say that god i know i was wrong but now i got lessons from life nd making myself to being away from all my mistakes....plssss do me a favour that they give me some time...but definately m not fake......u give me ny punishment i will accept it but plsss our frndship should not b in between this..............

plss dont think dat u hurt me its just ur mood that go off sometimes nd i know it............................

EXPECTATIONS------its a word which is very important in every human's life nd we all always think about it in such a way that we alwys see our happiness in it.....we all r humans r selfish by nature if we do gud wid some one we automatically start thinking that now same gud will also be happen to us, means we start expecting our happiness..not in this case sometimes in relationships we think beyond the reality....means suppose if ur frnd is very close to u, we think in punjabi means ASI  HAQ JTANA SHURU KAR DINDE HAN.........we think that he/she will do as we wish coz he/she is our frnd but we forgot the reality that by making sum1 close to us doesnt mean that we own a license of that frnd that from now ownwards he/she will b on our wishes....this is the major factor behind the broken relationships inbetween, most of the cases like dese happens in our frnds....

now the question arises that from where such type of thinking arises in our mind? answer is simple, its not in our hands, when some one show care nd understanding to us we  got emotionally attached to that person nd this emotional feeling makes a big difference...........as its in my case but now m getting dat i behave wrong sumtimes...sorry frnds i will take care in future....